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Carlos Tevez has just scored his first goal for Man Utd against Chelsea of all teams…………. Not a good week for them! He’s ever such a good looking chap inst he!

Alan Titchmarsh Growing Green

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Urbsy flopped this in to irc earlier and it cracked me up…………. Stace reckons he got sued for it but you never see his face and hands together with the weed so it is obviously a damn fake………… Bloody funny though!!


Lead Me Not In To Temptation……………..

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I finally gave in today and i went to Gamestation and bought myself an X-Box 360 Elite…………. I hate being such a consumer but just cant help it!! I got a good deal though as illustrated! My plan is to sell the copies of Forza and Blue Dragon along with the Wireless Pad to get about 75 quid back and then send off for the hard drive transfer cable and then flop that on eBay too which will hopefully go for 25 notes making the cheeky Elite under 200 smackers………… I do love a cheeky bargain! Check out the badness when its all set up too……….. The ever growing home entertainment centre! Downloaded the COD4 Beta Demo too and had a quick razz on that, Its shit hot even though i only managed 2 kills and 9 deaths! Definitely worth a purchase when its out along with Halo 3 and Pro Evo 8………….. I reckon FIFA can suck me this year, The last couple have been a bit pony and the demo of this one aint much cop.

Got back and had a jinster in the garden with Colin while Stacey & Jake went to Sainsburys with Christopher……….. Now he’s got a job he’s started packing the “Old New Grind” on a more regular basis and the “Old Old Grind” have been relegated to the car for the more all terrain approach! Whilst we were enjoying some green delights Tamba and his mate were chilling in the garden, CJ left the door open to his flat and the Carrot Top cat decided to get all brave and have a gander in 31B……….. Colin was beside himself with excitement and took some picture so i thought id best put one up in here really!

Halo 3

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Downloaded Halo 3 today and flopped that on a cheeky Dual Layer and i gotta say that im well impressed, Never really played the first ones but if they are half as good as this i wish i had!

Ball Boy

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Woke up this morning to the news that Jose Mourinho had quit at Chelsea…………. Quite a shocker really and im sure no one was expecting it. Id happily have him at Spurs, he may be an arrogant twat but he is funny and good for English football. Spurs are playing tonight against some pony team ive never heard of from Cyprus so we should kick their arses

Met Jeremy for lunch at Great Portland Street, I had the Hereford Burger with Mauris Piper Potato Wedges! When Jeremy went up to pay he asked for a receipt and the guy behind the bar got all flustered and started freaking out a bit cos i dont think he knew what he was doing…………. He ended up smashing about 3 glasses and then being stressed for ages and complaining to someone else!!

Belial_ on DF posted a pic of the London Eye today, Absolutely amazing it is too, Have a look for yaselves…………. He’s only been doing Photography for 2 years, He’s pretty good
Spurs managed a 6-1 win this evening too which was a welcome return to where we should be, Jermain Defoe scored a stunning goal but the Man Of The Match for me was the ballboy that threw the ball back to one of the opposition players in an aggressive manor!

Quote Of The Day

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Not an awful lot went on today really, Went to work as normal and got stuck in the usual rush hour traffic on the way to Bromley. Went to my appointments and then treated myself to a large Strawbeyy Milkshake and a Double Cheeseburger from McDonalds on the way home.

I finally managed to get my hot bath last night after punching the boiler a good few times and hurting my knuckles, it was worth it in the end though…………. I think!Todays quote of the day on my iGoogle was “In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra” and was said by Fran Lebowitz who was an author, It reminded me of doing wanky algebra at school and i knew at the time that i was right all along……….. Fran has just confirmed it for me!

Flopped my N95 on eBay and some girl mailed me saying that she wants it and to tell her how much and she would paypal it me directly therefore avoiding the fees, she even left her mobile number but i still think its a scam and if i ring the number maybe George Agdgdgwngo will answer with the usual “Good Day Sir”

Im gonna watch another couple of Episodes of The Lost Room now so screw you all!

Jet Setter

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Woke up at Chez Caira today after a crazy night of Wii and green action the night before! Had to get to Margate for 11am and was there at 10:30 so i did my meeting early as i had arranged to meet with Jeremiah as i hadn’t seen him in about 2 years and he was going off backpacking round Russia, India, China & Japan next Tuesday so this would be my last opportunity for another 9 months. Jerry being Jerry when he came back to the UK he asked his family if he could stay with them and they said as long as he paid rent………………… He didn’t like that idea so decided to explore other avenues of rent free living and somehow ended up persuading some guy in a pub he used to work in that it was a good idea to let him sleep on his boat on Ramsgate Harbour for absolutely shag all…………….. RESULT!
After having the guided tour of the boat we went for a wander and got some fish and chips which we ate on the sea arm………… I had a battered sausage and burnt the roof of my mouth, i was extremely pissed off!

I drove Jerry back to his sisters house as he was staying there tonight because she has one on holiday, Went in for a coffee and a Curly Wurly and got a snap of Jeremiah’s entire worldly possessions…………. Not much for a 27 year old but he has been to 70 0dd countries in 7 years!

Drove home and flopped my Nokia N95 on eBay, will hopefully get about 200 nugget for that then had Spaghetti Bolognese for dinner. Tried to have a hot bath and surprise surprise the pissing boiler decided to go off and not come on again for ages………….. I hate this house so much! Anyway its ten past 10 now and Stacey has finally managed to get me a hot bath run so I’m gonna go and get in it and scrub myself up right nice!

Virtual Insanity

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Me Stace & Jake went in to town for the day today and walked for ages, We tried to go for a coffee in Covent Garden and we sat down and the waitress came over and asked us what we would like, “2 late’s please” came the reply from me and the waitress continued to wait, pen posed……… “and what are you eating”? was the next question, “no food, just the coffee’s please” as i tried to get back to reading the paper i had found on the train. “We dont do just drinks at lunchtine, you have to order some food” Fuck that i thought and got up and walked next door and got a coffee instead…………. Silly bitch!

We ended up in St James’ Park which neither of us had ever been to before, You can see Buckingham Palace and The London Eye from inside the park which was both unexpected and pleasant

We walked round the edge of the park and then passed the back of Downing Street and on to Trafalgar Square where there was some fund raising event going on for disabled people so there was lots happening but more specificaly there were the dancing men who are legendary and make absolute tits of themselves………….. They must make a good living doing it because they were doing exactly the same act over 3 years ago when we first moved here just to a different song! Heres the video so you can see for yourselves


Came home and watched X Factor, The only bits worth watching are the auditions and tonights episode didnt dissapoint, There was a truly awful “group” from Birmingham that tried to sing Nothings Gonna Stop Us by Startship The woman who was convinced she was gonna get through of course didnt and she started blubbling…………. The site is horrific!

Butter Stick

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Managed a cheeky lie in today at Auntie Susans until 9:30, came downstairs and had a cheeky ham and mustard butty! We went to Nan & Gumbies on the way back to London for a cup of tea and Jake had a good play in the garden and really enjoyed himself………… We decided that we would tidy the garden at home tomorrow……… It won’t happen!!

Got home and Chris had made the house surprisingly tidy, he had even washed the bedding and put it back on again……… Thats quite something! We decided to have a game of Pro Evo, It was 1 all at full time so to extra time it went, Chris went 2-1 up but then got a man sent off due to a second yellow for a horrific challenge, I bagged 2 goals in the 2nd half of extra time to take the match 3-2……………….. I fuckin rule!!

Had a quick thought whilst trying to get to sleep that i should really start moving on with my butter stick idea, Im sitting on a little goldmine there!

4 Breakfasts

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Stace had 4 breakfasts this morning!! Museli and yoghurt to start with, then cheese and tomato’s on toast, then fruit salad and then ham and cheese on bread followed by cold coffee!

We had to be out of the room by 12 noon and the taxi wasn’t arriving t so we had loads and loads of time to kill, We went for a wander again and found ourselves going across Charles Bridge and walking up the massive fuckin hill that we had previously got the cable car up! Saw St Vitus Cathedral and the castle close up which was nice i suppose. I went on a mission to find a shop that sells English papers and eventually found one, took my paper to a cafe and drank coffee and read it. Liverpool won 3-0 away to PSV Eindhoven last night which is a good result for them, I hope Chelsea lose tonight!

Walked back down the old castle steps and went and found something called John Lennon Wall, Its a wall dedicated strangely enough to John Lennon!! Every year on December 8th (The anniversary of his death) people meet up near the wall and sing Beatles songs and chant things like Give Peace a Chance…………. Hippy fucks! After that we took the long way round to a restaurant that we had read about to eat some traditional Czech food…………. I had steak! After that we had 2 hours to kill before the taxi came……… 1 word………….. Booooring! We looked around loads of shops and counted the amount of time we had until the taxi would arrive!

Got to the airport and had a shitty KFC then found out that our plane was delayed by 55 shitty minutes……………. BOLLOCKS! The plane was delayed by 1 hour and 20 minutes in the end but we got back safe and sound but bloody knackered in the end.

More Tex Than Mex

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Went around all the markets today and wanked all our money in a very short period of time buying. crappy presents for everyone! Had to go back to the hotel to get more money and guess what……….. The poxy safe wouldn’t open again so we had to call the fat bitch on reception again so that she could call the safe people again and they could send the man out again……….. What a ball ache, Stace wasn’t happy again!

Went to a hotel called U Prince where they have a roof terrace that overlooks Old Town Square, was lovely. Stacey had a cocktail. Spent the rest of the day wandering around the markets that sell all the same overpriced shite taking full advantage of the tourists!

Made our way to the Jewish Quarter to look at all the old Jew graves but because it was Easter it was closed……….. Great! Found out that Good King Wenceslas was actually a real king who employed people to build the Hunger Wall which is so called because it was built purely for the purpose of making work for people so they can earn money to feed their families, Also found out that Good King Wenceslas was killed by his own brother which led me to believe that he couldn’t have been that great after all.

Had dinner in a place called Buffalo Bills which was apparently “More Tex Than Mex” and it was bloody lovely and stupidly cheap, we got the idea from the book that i got Stacey fro Xmas……. Glad i bought it now. Went for a couple of glasses of wine in Old Town Square and then went back to the hotel. Ali G was on the TV and it was the one where he goes to America and goes out with the police……….. He tells the man that he may be a honky but he’s still hunk like a donkey! Buhahahahahahahaha classic!

Safe Cracker

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Another day in the Czech capital today, woke up in a massive bed and ordered breakfast in bed from room service………….. Ate loads of food then went back to sleep, Now that is the life!

Went for a walk to discover the wonders of Prague. Walked across
Charles Bridge and then went in a cable car up a massive hill alongside the Hunger Wall. There was a tower at the top of the hill which i thought would be a great idea to climb, Stace didn’t and was shitting herself by the time we got to the top! The views were stunning though and you could see the whole city. On the way down my legs got really shaky and i had to sit down afterwards.

Went back to the hotel afterwards and had a snooze, woke up and tried to get our money out of the safe and realised that it had locked itself and wouldn’t open. Had to call the hotel staff who had to call the safe people who had to send a geezer out to crack it……….. Stace was well angry!

Took Stace out to a proper posh restaurant on an island in the middle of the
river, I could tell it was dead posh because the food was all stacked up on top of each other in a poncey way and there wasn’t much of it. When the waiter bought it to our table it was under one of those silver lidded thingies ans Stace started giggling because she said she could see her reflection in it!
DJAd sent me a stupid text from Legal Eagle which made me
chuckle. Went and had a few drinks in some pubs and the went hunting for chocolate………… Couldn’t find any so went home and collapsed on the bed!

Charles Bridge

The Hunger Wall

Stace Drinking A Beer

The View From The Tower


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Had to get up at 4:15 this morning to drive to Gatwick, what a shitter! Got to the airport and the queue for checkin was ridiculous, i hate queuing. I amused myself by asking Stace what was heavier, a ton of feathers or a ton of coal. She said a ton of coal was and i obviously called her thick and laughed at her…….. The funniest part of it was that even when i told her why she was being so dumb she still didn’t get it, She blames it on baby brain!

The flight was relatively painless and we even got emergency exit seats so i had plenty of leg room which was nice. Tried to have a bit of a snooze but was only drifting, opened my eyes and i saw Stacey giving one of my chocolate Eclairs to the Indian lady next to her………. Not happy at all!

When we arrived in Prague there was a man waiting with a sign with Anthony Fincher on it, I felt like i was a bit of a movie star so i put my sunglasses on and looked like i was rushing! The driver was from LA and a bit OTT like most Americans I’ve ever met. Our flight was a little late getting in so the American had to make a call to get someone else to pick up his next punter. He rang a chap named George and told him the name of his next customer…………. Mr Boner………… Buhahahahahahahahahahaha, i couldn’t help thinking if it was a wind up or not though just to get someone to stand at Prague airport with a sign saying Mr Boner, That i would love to have seen!

Settled in to our hotel and unpacked our stuff then went for a walk to get our bearings and of course take some pics on the D-SLR.

Old Town Square

A Cheeky Red Squirrel
View From The Steps

Bridges Over The River

Some Eastern European Band

Prague is a really lovely place and the weather was surprisingly warm. We had a bit more of a wander and ended up in a pub that was over 400 years old for a beer and some food, Stace had Stroganoff and i naturally had steak and the whole lot was under a tenner…….. Now that you cannot complain about!!

Dr Who?

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Off on my holiday to Prague tomorrow so went to Auntie Susan’s so that Jake can settle in before we fly off for 4 days. He enjoyed himself on the whole and liked playing with Shane’s toys. Sue and Stacey gave Jacob a bath and when he got out Stace dried him with a Manchester United towell so i text Christopher a picture of it………….. He replied saying that Jacob was barred when he got back!

Went and had a butchers at Small Jhons new gaff today with Big Phil & Debs, He’s got himself a right little bargain there, 400 notes a month for 3 bedrooms, a garage and a shed. There was a little conservatory too but it smelt a little pungent!!

The new series of Dr Who started this evening and it was pretty cool. His new assistant is actually quite fit………… I for one most certainly would!

Early night tonight as we have to get up double bastartd early to drive to the airport………. Great! We might meet Pat and Gill for breakfast if theres time though which might be nice.


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Chris left for work and had to come back because he forogt his iPod so he went again, then he came back again because he had forgotten his sandwiches……….. He is so unorganised, i dont really know how he copes day to day!

Watched the trailer for the new GTA game today, gotta say it looks bloody impressive. Those boys at Rockstar have got it sewn up thats for sure. Looks like its based on New York which is pretty cool.

Sigrun was looking after Jake today and took him for a walk to try and get some numbers for rooms for her and Chris. She was taking ages and it turns out she actually went and had a look at a room above a cafe somewhere, she said that a big black man heped her up the stairs with the buggy and Jake screamed his heart out!

Uncle David came round to unblock the drain in the back garden because it was overflowing, he managed to do that and he also managed to make our entire flat reek of shit………… Thanks David!

Sigrun watched Hitch where Will Smith a “dating consultant” and i wondered if such a job existed and if it did how well paid it was?

Had Chinese with Chris & Sigrun tonight, Christopher owes me a tenner too, Went to
bed and Stace woke me up saying that i was talking in my sleep, apparently i was saying “acro awake”………….. ive no idea what that means!!

Theatre Blues

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It was Rachel’s Birthday on the Chris Moyles show today, They did all the usual Birthday stuff and the tedious link was Tiny Dancer by Elton John as its Rachels favourite and she cried, bit pathetic really i though but i did like the song so i downloaded it when i got home!

Had to go to a lovely place in the country down a windy country road which made a pleasant change from rincing round the motorways all the time.

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When i got to my appointment i was told that i had to get scrubbed up as i was going to be working in Theatres, They are surprsingly comfortable but make me look like an absolute tit!! Maybe ill get some for around the house where it doesnt matter what i look like………….. Stace might like some too!
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Got myself a cheeky Strawberry Milkshake from Maccy D’s on the way home…………. I was once told by a girl called Lisa that there is enough bacteria in a small McDonalds milkshake to kill a new born baby, i dont think i believe it but whenever i get one i think of it and always tell whoever im wih about it!

We all watched The Apprentice tonight that i recorded from last night, Alan Sugar is a bit of an idiot really, he gives them tasks to do that i dont suppose ho could do with a ridicolous timeframe to do them in, Anyway the big fat guy got fired and deservedly so because he was a nob!
Sigrun told me that Norway has more coast line than any other country in the world, i didnt believe her……….. looked it up and its true, all because of the fjords apparently!


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Watched 24 today, Jack found out that Audrey had died whilst she was looking for Jack in Chin as he was getting tortured. I’m getting a bit bored of 24 now………….. Jack cant keep stopping America fr om getting nuked.

Sigrun arrived from today, I bombarded her with questions about Norway and even got the world map out! I got her to pronounce all the Norwegian footballers names correctly while Chris washed up…………. that killed a good 10 minutes!

England played Andorra this evening, we really are shit now! I hope Steve Maclaren gets the sack and they employ someone decent who will bring Becks back in! Anyway we ended up winning 3-0 with Stevie G scoring a Bobby Belter and David Nugent coming off the bench to score in injury time………… Still shit though!!
On a side not i found out that Andorra’s entire population would fit inside Old Trafford and they have the longest life expectancy of any country in the world.

We Didn’t Start The Fire

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Had to go to Twickenham today for work, bit of a shitty drive around the M25 but it was nice to see the National Rugby Stadium. I bought myself a tennis racket from JJB Sports in Isleworth, i got the Prince one that was reduced from 30 notes down to 25……… I do love a cheeky bargain!!

On the way home i rang Stace……….. She didn’t answer so i left a message with me singing the tune that Jacob’s Backyardigan toy sings “Everybody shout Ho Daddy, Ho Daddy……….. Surfs Up, Surfs up”!!

Billy Joel – We Didn’t Start The Fire came on the radio so i had a good sing along trying to remember all the names in it…………………. I always get the Marylin Monroe bit right.

Saw a couple of very odd things on the way home the first being that when i pulled up at some traffic lights i decided to go in the left lane, there was a man in a van in front of me and 2 Rastas in a banged up old Metro alongside them in the other lane. The man in the van was smoking a fag with his window down, The Passenger Rasta wound down his window and asked the man in the van something, next minute the man in the van was handing the Rasta his half smoked fag much to his delight. The lights turned green and everyone drove off happy!

Getting deeper in to London and more traffic lights where i pull up alongside 2 women, they were incredibly huge and both smoking ridiculous amounts of fags with the windows down and stereo at full whack. I looked over and they were singing their fat hearts out to the song “We’ve got tonight, Who needs tomorrow” and then at the end of the chorus it says “Why don’t you staaaaaayyy“.

Got home, Made a home made lasagne from scratch for the first time ever, Chris and Stacey really liked it but i thought it tasted like shit, i think maybe they did too and they were just being polite but then again they did eat it all!

Played loads of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the X-Box, the games not great but its a proper easy 1000 gamer points!!